you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
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I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
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All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize