We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
