The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
After tacos, we're chasing women.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
