We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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