That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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