I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
