i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
