ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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