Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
