omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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