So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
