Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
He had one of those small greek statue penises
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
