Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
