Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
