i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Randomize
