I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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