you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Too much gin, very little bucket
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
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The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
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I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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