I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
The air taste purple.
Randomize
