Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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