just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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