yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
