Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
