True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
