Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
