Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
