St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
