I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Randomize
