i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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