I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
