Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
