Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize