You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
