You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
