I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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