whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I pour the whiskey from now on
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
