If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
So much rum. So many feels.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
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