She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
