there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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