I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
