My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
