they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
You ate ashes out of my bong
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
