My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
