check it out our google latitudes are spooning
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
