can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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