I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
