I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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