i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
