Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
