We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
