I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
