i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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