Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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