**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
