He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
