Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize