So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Did you just see the Batmobile???
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
