I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
