I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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