the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
She bit a glass in half.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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