You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
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