I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Randomize
