My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Randomize
