I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
