no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I love you.
Bad choice
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
