I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
