I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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