I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
In other news, I just burned my penis
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
